Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
