Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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