All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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