Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
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making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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