he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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