blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
