im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
