Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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