Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
