Where is the hickey?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
your like the ambassador to my penis.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
