Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
