i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize