i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I need a burrito and a hug.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
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