seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
