So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize