I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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