OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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