well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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