I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
