i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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