I wannas sexs uuuuu
someone owes me an orgasm
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
