Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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