She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
