Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
