I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
