my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Shame is for Republicans.
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