There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I see more hoeing in ur future
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