i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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