so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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