SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
