i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Semen is not good for contacts.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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