dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
