i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
