Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
