oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
