I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
