I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
