Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
