When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
