Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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