i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
