my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
