I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize