If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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