At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
