I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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