Who did Billy Mays play for?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
