You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
