I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
