I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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