i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
