Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
