Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
