Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
