kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
