I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
